"I will hold you up," said Joe.
"What?" said I.
"Just that: I will hold you up."

JAMES AND THE GIANT REACH

According to my four year old friend, James, I am a "Monster Expert". (Please do not think, however, that this title limits me to the narrow field of monsters. I am also an expert on ghosts and zombies.) The title of "expert" is derived one late-night babysitting jamborie and a rather organized (suprising for me, I know) four-step plan to conquering the fear of said creatures.
Now for the first time in history, this four-step plan can be yours:

Step One: The fundamental step. Simply deny the existence of the monster (ghost, zombie). M's, G's and Z's feed off our fear of them.
Step Two: Draw a picture ot the M, G or Z (whatever you happend to be scared of most at the time) and then rip up the paper in a determined but controlled manner.
Step Three: Imagine the M, G or Z in a ridiculous situation and laugh, laugh, laugh. For example: An angry Zombie man looks pretty silly wearing a polkadotted Elizabethan dress with high heals and exposed implanted breasts (James can have a dirty mind. Rest assured none of that was my idea...)
Step Four: The final step. And this is the kicker. If the Monster, Ghost or Zombie insists on sticking around, it is imperative that the scared party come to the realization that M's, G's and Z's are naturally very insecure creatures and just want to be liked. We should pity them, not hold on to hateful fear.