A blog to myself:

Dear self,

I call you dear, but do I really see you as such. Rather, I fell that you are bound by so many things that neglect who you are and what is best for you. By this I am not asking you to be selfish, but I am asking you to live your life in a way that will make you most effective. Why is it that all you do is a result of what you think you "should" or "should not" do. Why do you ask your friends how they are with your motivating factor being that you haven't asked them that in a while so to save yourself from coming up short you'd better do so. Why is it that if you leave dirty dishes in the sink you feel that that burden then cancells out a concern you could have shared with your roomate. Stop carrying around this ledger and living in a world of checks and ballances. Not everything needs to come out even. When you let your shortcomings define your relationship with the world around you you're not being at all progressive. You're relationships could be so much richer if you weren't motivated so much by duty. Duty is good mind you, and can bring about many positive actions, but realize that actions are driven by duty and friendships are not. Take the time to pause.

I am getting more and more into auditioning. I auditioned for Fiddler on the Roof with the Carnation City Players last night. I didn't really have any intentions of actually being in it because I want to do Tartuffe at Malone and possibly the Vagina Monologues at the Players Guild. Well, the director apparently liked my audition because he called last night several times to see if I was able to do the show. I was not home so I haven't spoken to him, but I'm hoping he calls today. I feel very complimented.

Finals are over! What is it about the body that holds out during all the stress but breaks down once it's all over? I love it whatever it is. I was finishing Sander's Family Christmas, taking finals and working all at once and now I want to die. Nap Time!

In continuation of my former thought...

So, what does it then mean to love? And is love even the best way to find moral value? Many horrible things have been done in the name of love. Examples would include kids having sex, the killing of Christ, and every song Amy Grant has made in the past 5 years... Stop...in the name of love! Decisions people make that may not be best for their loved ones even though the decision maker is convinced it's what they need. I could then be concluded that love, on it's own, may not always be the perfect judge. Other sources of value must come into play to hold love in check. Love would be a fine standard if we could see it through the lens of consequences, reasoning, conscientiousness and righteousness.

It must also be considered what it is that one loves most. To love does not mean that you will love all things equally and always make good decisions for everything and everyone in the same way.